thanksgiving photo special

pornahontas, prideahontas, princess weeping beaver, a lot of chardonnays, and quite a few gays.

you, sir, are a liar and a cad.

willie ames claims that at one point he had a 3,000 dollar per day cocaine habit. in the 80's.


unless he has epilepsy or some other condition that caused him to spill large portions of his daily cocaine supply onto the rug, thus rendering them unsnort/smoke/injectable, his dealers were really ripping him off. because even if we DON'T factor inflation into the equation, it would be IMPOSSIBLE to do 3,000 dollars worth of blow in a 24 hour period.


also- that's not willie ames. it's just some dude that came up when i image searched "cocaine."

sam, the ugliest dog in the world, has died.

which at first i thought was terribly sad. but then i saw this new photograph of him. don't worry, sam. in dog heaven we're all beautiful.

things i've been too drunk to post but have wanted to post...

i love eating spaghetti out of the pot once it's cold. i love to eat cold spaghetti with my fingers while standing.

canned cranberry sauce is better than homemade cranberry sauce no matter how white trash that reveals one to be.

high school redux (real photos!)

So today I went along with my roommate to her job. She's teaching at one of the worst high schools in south central LA. She teaches geometry, and she's really good at it. Teaching, I mean. She's actually not that good at geometry, but she stays one step ahead of the students, and she explains things well. Even I learned some things about graphing and transformations today. Which is surprising not because i know a lot about geometry, but because i am almost retarded when it comes to math.

We've all seen enough movies about inner-city schools to know what to expect. the whole Dangerous Minds thing. And on the surface it looks just like in the movies. The falling-apart campus occupied by students who are predominantly african american. What I wasn't expecting, and what broke my heart was how innocent they were. In spite of their intense and all-too-often first hand knowledge of the scariest, most painful aspects of our society, these kids were just kids.

And every once in a while you catch them being kids- being excited about getting the math formula- being curious about the world around them- wanting to learn everything there is to know....their eyes the same as any other kid's. But then it's like some kind of shutter comes down and they're striking tough poses and threatening each other and knocking shit over and screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs because the teacher won't let them listen to their walkman at a volume that allows the entire room to make out the words.


Most of them ride the line somewhere in between bad and good- they'll join in the game as a group, but they're respectful when you look them in the eyes. They write letters apologizing for their classmates' lack of manners and respect. Some of the brightest kids are the worst behaved- as if out of compensation. One boy was quick enough to be in calculus or trig, and he wore glasses and was small framed, and i'm pretty sure the fact that he purposely gets sent to the office and talks back and cracks jokes is because he doesn't want anyone else to know he's a nerd.

Anna's students are charming and smart and funny and really fucking pissed at the world. I was received warmly by a few girls ("are you and miss i sisters? ) and called a white bitch by a few others. one girl accused me of being there to stare at them, like animals in a zoo exhibit about black people. The boys either ignored me or tried to offend me or flirted with me.

they're shuffled like cattle between impermanent classrooms with blank beige walls- classrooms that three or four different teachers use during one day. These rooms have no character to them- no books to read, no posters on the walls, no sense of being learning spaces at all- just cramped rooms with rusty ceiling tiles and desks that have been etched into enough that they aren't flat enough to use as writing surfaces.

they're assigned textbooks (see above) that are practically illegible from the layers of graffiti they've been marked with over the years (too many years for them to still be in use, really).

Statistically, less than 50% of them will make it to graduation.

At their high school alone, there are at least 3 unfilled fulltime teaching positions. meaning that more students get crammed into already overcrowded classrooms. most of the time enough kids are truant, but sometimes there aren't enough chairs and kids have to sit on the floor.

Only 2 kids are passing period four's geometry class. Anna gives credit for homework and for effort. It is possible to pass the class even if one fails every test and quiz...and 2 kids are. There are 45 registered students in period four.

Anna has a total of about 300 students. 5 parents showed up at back to school night.

Their parole officers call to check in on them, but their guardians don't.

About 40% of them are in the foster system. MAYBE 5% of them have 2 parents.

Too many of them have problems with reading and writing that middle class kids overcome in grade school.


Anna had to throw out 5 kids during the first 45 minutes of 4th period before she was able to complete even ONE problem on the (scratched, stained, ancient and almost unusable) chalkboard. At least every three minutes someone would complain that they couldn't see the writing on the chalkboard from their desk. anna found an overhead projector to use a while back but there's no screen for it and the outlets near the front of the class don't work. some teachers bring their own white boards in that they pay for with their own money . Once the worst 5 were gone, things flowed fairly smoothly. These same 5 kids are sent to the dean almost every day, but there isn't anyplace else to put them. The system has been stretched to its limit. there isn't enough money, resources or TEACHERS WILLING TO WORK THERE to ensure that anyone is learning anything at all.

And you find yourself wanting to cry for and scream at them simultaneously. wanting to beg them not to get pregnant because they're too fucking smart and they don't give enough of a shit about their lives. you want to shake them when you hear about their boyfriend, who is both locked up and much too old for a 15 year old girl with sweet brown eyes who draws cartoon characters on her binder.

you find yourself wanting to tell some of them- the kids who play their cellphone real-tones at top volume when assignments are being explained, and who put their feet on their desks and narrow their eyes and mutter about the violence they hope is in your future-to get the fuck out-to drop out rather than flunk out while making their peers suffer along with them. to disappear so the other kids can have half a chance.

It's like a kind of limbo.

shining through

The Shining Redux

amazing.

i need an intervention from intervention

last night i dreamt that the lesbian heroin addict i'd just watched get clean on Intervention was my new neighbor. i bought her a track suit for christmas and she mocked it. i told her she had seemed to be the kind of sporty girl who would love her very own track suit and she mocked me. this made me angry. i was also angry with her parents, who during the intervention did not once apologize for their reaction to her coming out, and whose shitty parenting skills and creepy belief systems were the reason she ended up so fucked up to begin with. "we should go out and meet some girls," i told her. "i'm not supposed to go to bars yet," she said. bummer.

GOD DAMN IT

i used my debit card to pay for the cab home last saturday and i had insufficient funds. that night won't die. it's going to haunt me forever. i probably got vd, too. and i didn't even get laid. that's how much of a rip last saturday was.

p.s.

the day after the halloween party i found a piece of paper in my purse onto which i had written
"this is how i am going to die. at a hipster party. listening to music i hate."

there was some concern about the floors caving in, you see. and they were playing toni basil. this bothered me.

halloween. what a rip part deux.

these were taken before i got too drunk to work the camera (i.e. before we actually left for the party). abbie didn't even make it that far. she passed out shortly after these were taken.