Friday, October 27, 2006

this is almost as good as that letter to gw about the old testament

Republicans Without Pants (forwarded/author unknown)

After hearing of the resignation of Mark Foley, I started thinking about all the other conservative Republicans in recent years who have been caught with their pants down. Now an exhaustive list would be more than any one person could possibly handle. So I decided to limit my search to members of Congress (no congressional aides or local Republicans) who have either admitted to misconduct, or have had allegations substantially corroborated by other sources. I also put a 25-year statute of limitations on my search, so Warren G. Harding is off the hook.

Bear in mind that this list includes only proven cases of sexual misconduct against Members of Congress. Old-fashioned corruption or, say, getting 2,700 American troops killed in Iraq for no damned good reason, does not make the list:

Robert Barr (R-GA) A co-author of the "Defense of Marriage Act," Barr has been married three times and sued more than once for nonpayment of child support. During his third marriage, was photographed licking whipped cream off strippers at an inaugural party.

Robert Bauman (R -MD) - A staunch moralist, notorious anti-gay activist, and four-term member of Congress, Bauman surprised his constituents by being arrested for soliciting sex from a sixteen- year-old boy.

Jim Bunn (R -OR) - After winning election to Congress in 1994 with the help of the Christian Coalition, Bunn then divorced his wife (and mother of this five children), and then married his mistress, giving her a job as his Chief of Staff and a nearly six-figure salary to boot.

Dan Burton (R -IN) - Called Bill Clinton a "scumbag" for his marital infidelities, before voters learned that Burton had himself fathered a child out of wedlock in the early 1980's. The mother was given a no-work job on Burton 's campaign payroll.

Ken Calvert (R -CA) A family values advocate elected with the help of the Christian Coalition, he's been sued for alimony payments by his ex-wife and was arrested for soliciting a prostitute - specifically the arresting officer caught Calvert in the act of receiving oral sex in his parked car.

Charles Canaday (R -FL) One of the House Impeachment managers while on the House Judiciary Committee, Canaday engaged in an adulterous affair with a married woman, breaking up her marriage. Canaday has since been appointed to the Florida Court of Appeals by Jeb Bush.

Helen Chenowith (R -ID) Said on record that "personal conduct and integrity do matter" with regard to Bill Clinton's sex life, but was somewhat more lenient when she admitted in 1998 that she had been engaged in a long-term extra-martial affair with a married man.

Dan Crane (R -IL) A rising star of the New Right, Crane was censured by the House in 1983 for having sex with a seventeen-year-old page. It marked the first and only time a member has been censured for sexual indiscretion. Some members have the House wanted to expel Crane, but Henry Hyde (R-IL) (see below) rose to his defense.

Duke Cunningham (R -CA) You thought it was just about money? Think again. As many as a half dozen Republican lawmakers have been implicated in receiving the services of prostitutes hired by the contractors who bought off Duke Cunningham. An FBI investigation is ongoing.

Thomas Evans (R -IN) Served three terms in the House, but was defeated after he was linked to lobbyist Paula Parkinson, a young woman who admitted that her lobbying technique was limited to having sex with just about anybody who asked.

Newt Gingrich - (R -GA) Received oral sex from mistress Anne Manning in a parked car within sight of his own children. Married three times, with the first two marriages ending because of Gingrich's infidelity. Took divorce papers into the hospital to have his wife sign them while she recovered from surgery.

Tim Hutchinson (R-AR) A Baptist minister and vociferous critic of Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky affair, Hutchinson was simultaneously having an affair with one of this staffers. Hutchinson divorced his wife of 29 years to marry his mistress.

Henry Hyde (R -IL) Another of the Republicans who took Bill Clinton to task for having an extramarital affair, it was later learned that Hyde himself had been engaged in a long-term affair - which Hyde called a "youthful indiscretion" even through he was over forty at the time.

Bob Livingston (R -LA) Briefly the Speaker of the House after Newt Gingrich's resignation, Livingston was caught up in Larry Flynt's "dragnet" of Republican sexual indiscretions and resigned himself before stories of his marital infidelities were published.

Donald Lukens (R -OH) Was caught by a Columbus, Ohio, television news crew meeting with the mother of the teenaged girl with whom he'd been having sex. Lukens was convicted of contributing to the delinquency of a minor but refused to resign his seat in Congress. Finally resigned after he was caught groping a Capitol Building elevator operator.

Sue Myrick (R -NC) A self-described "devout Christian," Myrick admitted that she had an extramarital affair that lead to the break-up of her husband's first marriage. When peppered with questions about the affair during a radio call-in show, Myrick stormed out of the studio saying, "I don't have to put up with this shit."

Robert Packwood (R -OR) One of the most notorious serial gropers in the history of the United States Congress, Packwood resigned his seat after dozens of women came forward saying that they had been molested by Packwood, some of them in elevators in the Capitol Building.

John Peterson (R -PA) Has been accused of sexual harassment (including fondling and forced kissing) by six women, including Capitol Hill lobbyists and House Interns. In the 2004 election, Peterson was re-elected without opposition.

Don Shorewood (R -PA) A staunch supporter of family values, Shorewood, a four-term member of the House of Representatives, admitted to a five year affair with a woman who is not quite old enough to be his daughter (she's thirty-five years younger). His admission came after he settled a lawsuit with his former mistress, who accused Shorewood of physical abuse.

John Schmitz (R -CA) A member of Congress and member of the John Birch Society (who eventually kicked him out for his "extremism"), Schmitz fathered a child out of wedlock. Schmitz is also the father of Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who was convicted of statutory rape for having sex with one of her students.

Ed Schrock (R -VA) Another vociferous opponent of gay rights and gays in the military who, it turns out, is gay himself. Schrock declined to seek a third term in the House when audiotapes of his voice on a gay-sex chat line were make public.

Strom Thurmond (R -SC) Nicknamed "The Sperminator" by aides for his pursuit of female staffers and lobbyists, Thurmond fathered a child out of wedlock with his family's African- American maid - while Thurmond himself was a staunch segregationist.

J.C. Watts (R -OK) - A winner of the Christian Coalition "Friends of the Family Award," it was later disclosed that Watts has two children fathered out of wedlock with two different women while serving as a Youth Minister in Oklahoma.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

when did my dreams stop being surreal and start being extensions of my waking hours? i used to dream of living underwater or that my entire family had been replaced by super-intelligent robots (the super-intelligent part was the giveaway, harhar). lately in my dreams i've been vacuuming, doing dishes, typing my thesis up, calling my grandmother to say hello. these aren't dreams, these are to-do lists.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

do yourself a favor

john hodgman's "the areas of my expertise" is one of the awesomest things i've ever encountered.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Areas_of_My_Expertise


http://www.e-hobo.com/

Thursday, October 19, 2006

north carolina in less than 24 hours. pray for me.

if i've never told you about my family click here.
And an update: Jenny has been arrested again. She failed to pick up her children at school, nobody could find her, and finally her PO figured out she'd left state lines (to see the drug dealer boyfriend, obv). Brad is (he says) divorcing his wife. Sean got another DUI, so he had to get one of those breathalyzer things installed into his ignition. Last week he woke up for work still drunk enough that he was unable to start his car and was forced to ask a neighbor to help him out. Since Jenny's kids don't have either parent fighting to take custody of them, I say Sean takes over. At least he'd always have someone there to start his car for him.

And tomorrow night I get to see them ALL (!!!) so that we can celebrate Grandma Cokie (who used to refer to Bryant Gumbol (sic) as "uppity" on a semi-regular basis) 's birthday.

how the hell did i become involved in a GOP scandal?

my name (via the police report) was printed in both Las Vegas newspapers today, so I might as well post about what's been going on with me this past week. Mainly- the Jim Gibbons debacle. Friday the 13th was especially memorable for me.

http://www.lasvegassun.com/ (at least three articles today)

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Oct-19-Thu-2006/news/10317160.html

I would post more about this, in fact I did post more about this a few hours ago, but my job is in jeopardy. Within minutes of that last (deleted) post a reporter called to ask me if he could quote me on what I had written on my blog. So bizarre. At least the press is doing their job, which is more than I can say for the police investigation of this whole mess.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

thanks, jay



meet blow-bunny. (this is so stupidly hilarious i don't know how to handle myself).
i've been listening to mew's and the glass handed kites over and over for days. also nada surf''s "the blizzard of '77"

the thesis should be finished within the week. somebody slap me.