the night frets

i cannot seem to quit smoking, eating, or drinking obscene quantities of smoke, food, and alcohol.

my thesis is due in one month. i thought it was due in two months. whoops.

i still haven't learned how to not frown or slouch.

i haven't felt fuckable since june. this is not to say my sex life has suffered, a fact that is equal parts sad and optimistic.

i cannot wait to have a dishwasher and a washer/dryer and grout that doesn't harbor a vast reserve of hidden and unkillable mold that is older than i am.

i wonder if this vertigo thing i can't shake is actually a brain tumor.

i keep having dreams where i am taking a bath with an especially feminine canadian male model. we compare our feet and toes and then we cry about how misunderstood we are and promise to be best friends forever. i do not like waking up from these dreams.

i have to wake up in 6 hours.