actual conversation at the convenience store:

The following conversation, between a freckled cashier with an unkempt dark red mullet and a broken front tooth and a portly, gold jewelry wearing african american security guard took place at approximately 11:45 pm last night at the Rebel gas station/ mini mart on the corner of Sahara and Hualipai.

Freckles: "Nah, man, you're wrong, man."
Gold Chains: "Shit, man. You don't know shit."
Freckles: "I know shit."
Gold Chains: "Ask that lady, man. She'll tell you you don't know shit."
Me: "Can I get a pack of Camel-"
Gold Chains: "Wait, man. Ask her."
Me: "Ask me?"
Freckles: "Nah, man. It's okay."
Gold Chains: "Seriously, ma'am, make him ask you."
Me: "Allright."
Freckles: "Well, isn't it true that when people talk about The Alps mountains it's just another way of saying, I mean a shorter way of talking about the Appalachians?"
Me: "Oh my god."
Gold Chains: "I know, right?"
Me: "The Alps are in Europe. There's the Italian Alps...the Swiss Alps..."


AT THIS POINT THE MAN BEHIND ME IN LINE BUYING NATURAL ICE BEER INTERJECTS-

Natty Ice: "That's not possible."
Me: "What's not possible?"
Natty Ice: "Switzerland and Italy are separated by an ocean."
Me: "Oh my god."
Gold Chains: "I know, right? We're the richest country in the world...and this is the conversation we're having."
Natty Ice: "You all don't know what you're talking about."
Gold Chains: "I don't know what I'm talking about? You don't even know what Europe is."
Natty Ice: "I know what Europe is."

i really liked the movie brick

a really interesting concept- raymond chandler-esque noir set in a contemporary california high school. it drags a bit in parts, and a few of the plot twists are too predictable, but all in all i'm impressed. a lot of people i've talked to didn't like it because it wasn't realistic. there's a difference between realistic and believable. noir, good or bad, is never realistic. good noir manages to be believable.

www.brickmovie.net

and the idea held so much promise...

From today's paper:

Police in Toledo, Ohio, have rescued dozens of Australian wombats from a man who was trying unsuccessfully to train them to fight.

"The (expletive) who sold them to me said they were vicious killers... I paid 300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare," the man said.

monday morning wake up call

the gardener has been in front of the house for over 2 hours. ever since i got out of bed half an hour ago and situated myself next to the front window to check emails on the computadora, he has been pacing back and forth alongside the 12 foot long patio wall, wielding a leaf blower and attempting to make eye contact. he's either a terrible gardener, a pervert, or a thief.

and it was called "they got what they deserved"

ABC just pulled the plug on a miniseries about the holocaust they had planned to produce. Mel Gibson was to direct.

Listen up, Alanis Morrisette: this is irony- and it has absolutely nothing to do with a no smoking sign on your cigarette break.